I'll find a way

I get emo easily recently, since that incident.
Tho i was sitting in front of my pc like 7-11 but, i was actually doing ntg.
yes, NOTHING.
mind blank, stare at the screen, empty,
repeat listening to silent emotion from long vacation N years ago
and i start emo again wtf.
got no ohm to seek for jobs as well.
just feel like having some relaxing time, but i noe i cant.
metally tired, feeling sleepy, but stil can stayed up til 2 -3 in the morning doing ntg
jz stare at my screen wallpaper, a labrador puppy named Quill.
my report stucked as i duno wat else to write in it.
Ex-supervisor called me jz now and told me he missed me, in fact i guess he missed me working for him as he is complaining that he got too much job to do and theres no one could help him, hah, sales manager complained that the quotation he ask those malay trainee was not done nicely and he miss me too hah.
but im not that stupid to extend my intern period for him, like paying me 450 per month and ask me doin those easy yet time consuming job and i have to drive N miles away from my home , stuck in the stupid traffic jam and middle finger for those lorry drivers and the main point, being alone all the time.
enough. dats enough.
I noe, its better to have stg to do rather den jz staring the pc screen whole day but i jz dun feel like working, you noe, spirit lost, ohm gone.
I noe i shud jz continue my life for a better future now, like being aggresive in seeking job, sending resumes over all company in Pg, but its been 3 days I dint log in to my jobstreet as its not important anymore, how much application also have to omit, goodbye to all KL job.
So i start going out alone, sitting in starbucks, looking at the people outside walking by, for hours.
mayb this is stupid, but at least i can breath some air.
I hated eating alone since last time, but I guess I will start to get used to it right now on, i should persuade myself dat, actually being alone is not that bad right? at least u can do watever u wanted to do, mayb i should try watching movie alone next time.
Im so envy that yang yang is having her grad trip to tw wit her coursemates in this coming dec, how nice of travelling with frens, and surprisingly, I have nvr travel with any of my frens in MMU before (except wit the ex), such a tragedy.
I need a vacation badly.
But i cant.
why?
I dont even dare to think about it.
bcoz i wil start emo after thinking of it again.


Life like this. 身不由己.